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Manchester City Turn To Online Casino & Crowdfunding To Finance Transfers

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Manchester City hierarchy has decided to raise money through a casino online and ask their imaginary fans to chip in, as the Sky Blues struggle to compete financially with their Premier League rivals.

What Happened?

Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola couldn’t restrain his emotions as he was explaining the financial hardship he has to endure with. In a sentimental press conference the Catalonian said,

“We can’t do it, guys! Liverpool spends money, Arsenal spends money, Manchester United spends money. In this situation, how do you expect us to compete with them?”

Tears came down Pep’s face as he was breaking down the harsh reality he is facing at the moment.

“We are trying to build a squad here that can challenge for silverware home and abroad. But, to do that we need money. We don’t have that in comparison to the competition”

“Arsene Wenger never had to worry about money! He wanted the club to build a stadium, and they built it out of their own pocket. Sir Alex Ferguson won 13 trophies, but those didn’t come cheap! He had spent an astonishing amount of money to get that. You have no idea how much money they spent behind the Class of 92.”

Liverpool have won their first Premier League title in 30 years this season and bettered Pep Guardiola’s Manchester City side by 18 points.

“The gap is unbridgeable, mate!”, Guardiola went on saying.

“They have heavily invested in their squad. They spent big money to assemble that squad. We don’t have the quality to match them.”

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The reporters reminded the former Barcelona manager that he had spent billions in the transfer market since he came in and were subject to UEFA’s sanction for financial irregularities.

“It’s all a conspiracy, you see!” the 49-year-old stressed. “They don’t want club like ours to flourish! They want to protect the status quo of established powerhouses. “

What Does The Owner Say?

Mansour bin Zayed bin Sultan bin Zayed bin Khalifa Al Nahyan aka Sheikh Mansour has spared no expense since his takeover of Manchester City in 2008. To be precise, he has spent so much behind City that he has now lost his business and has moved to the garage of his parent’s palace.

“That guy needs more money? What is he building? A football team or a space force to take down Darth Vader and the Empire?” Sheikh Mansour screamed in agony as we asked him about Guardiola via video conference.

“That club is a bottomless pit I tell you! All I’ve done in the last 12 years is to spend money behind that club. But, that garbage pile barely gave me a dime back.  There are no fans, I had to spend millions to instill crowd noise inside the stadium. The Etihad Stadium has been socially distancing long before the pandemic came. “

Mr. Mansour pointed out that he can’t afford investing more money into that club.

“I spent billions there, but still that club won’t win the Champions League. When you are spending that insane amount of money you would expect it to win the best titles. Not a tinpot league title, that even a broke-ass Leicester City had won a few years back.”

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“Whatever money I had left, I had to spend it to hire the lawyers and of course, bribe the CAS. Now, I can’t even afford my daily purchase of Ferraris and Bugattis. Things are going rough, man,” Sheikh Mansour lamented while sitting in a diamond etched throne in his parents’ garage.

How The Club Is Tackling The Situation

“We have to be innovative to remedy the current situation,” said club chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak.

“These are unprecedented times, and we must come up with a unique solution to our problems. “

“It could prove to be a great source of revenue. We will be placing a lot of bets online to raise the money we need to fund our transfers. “

“We have also asked our fans to contribute financially so that we can alleviate this matter. Well, we are mostly banking on Man United fans to fund us because we virtually have no fans and they know that we are a safer bet than their own team to stop Liverpool from winning the league again next season.”

Mr. Khaldoon also spelled out the extent of financial backup his club needs to compete with top teams.

“Oh, it has to be around a billion pounds. We need to pay off the defenders we currently have, because they are good for nothing. And trigger the release clauses of all decent defenders in the world.”

About the author

Venkatesan Prabu

Venkatesan Prabu

Wikitechy Founder, Author, International Speaker, and Job Consultant. My role as the CEO of Wikitechy, I help businesses build their next generation digital platforms and help with their product innovation and growth strategy. I'm a frequent speaker at tech conferences and events.

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